What am I not saying?

Well I can tell you that I haven't ran since my long run! Yep 2 weeks since I laced up the shoes and walked out the door. I felt pretty good the following day and the next day was killer. My therapist took my inserts way. The company had to make stronger, higher ones because I crushed the old ones. Since I've gotten those back I worn my shoes around town only to find out they don't fit in my shoes without crushing my toes. I've since placed them in my blue shoes which my therapist doesn't like but they have room for my toes. Did try to dress and run then Bill announced he had the stomach flu and that workout was cancelled.
I feel bad many times because I just try not to talk about this whole thing I sound so negative. And let me say it again I apologize but it's become one thing after another. I was talking to a friend in the store the other day and I walked away so sad that I hadn't put a positive spin on this. She did help me to summarize this as a very stressful thing. Not only am I scared to go out and run again, what's going to hurt this time, but I'm stressing out. I would settle for a nice jog enjoying the scenery instead of always mapping out my run just to make the miles.
A few people I did talk to about this have said 1. You're in a tapper and not a stall. (o.k. agree I'm letting my body heal and I'm just going to go out there run and endure the pain the big day. Why continue to torture myself now?) 2. I said in my letter that I was going to do this flaking out thing and I'm still being held accountable. (The worst thing I expected to happen to my body was lose a toe nail! YUCK!! I had no idea my body really truly is not designed for running.)
So as the big day approaches I'm trying to rest and relax. I will be there unless it's really hot and humid, I will give it my best, I will run as much as I can, I will finish my race.
Because I've made a commitment to you and to myself. Next time I try to prove to myself I can do anything if I work hard enough and put my mind to it I think I'll try something non-physical.
Thanks for reading. I love hearing people tell me they actually read this!