Two Journeys end

I've learned a lot in this few short months. I knew the marathon would be hard but I never imagined it would be that hard. Many times I just wanted to stop moving, but then I'd set a new goal. "I'll stop at the next mile marker or I'll stop when the bus comes to me" but every time I just kept pushing on. A few personal things motivated me but one thought kept me going. If someone with cancer can get up every morning and keep moving then who am I to stop. I was able to finish my journey and sadly the next day so did my husband's Dad, Bill Nowicke. He was a strong, funny, loving and one of a kind person. His journey with cancer has ended, but his spirit remains. I've learned in two short days to take life as it comes and make the best of it, no regrets!!

Never underestimate 26.2 miles

WOW!!! What an experience! That's right today was the big day, October 21,2007 will go down as an unbelievable day. We started out at 5:30am going out for a Team in Training group picture. By 6:15 we were walking down to the start and by 7:10am the race started. The past week has been very emotional and the whole thing was very surreal. I started running and instantly felt my knees refusing to run. I was in so much pain. I thought maybe it was just because I was cold and it would work itself out in a mile or two. One person passed me noting how I was struggling and I wasn't at the 1 mile marker yet. I'm sure I started freaking out but by 1 plus I made the decision to stop running and hoped to walk the kinks out. It felt really good to walk. I attempted to run again and knew instantly it wasn't going to work. I decided that I was better off walking as much as I could and somewhat quickly. I had a chance, keep my pace under 15 minutes and I could finish under the 6 hours and 30 minute time frame. I was trucking going a strong 14 minute mile until 10 miles. I started hyperventilating and I hit the wall. I didn't think my legs were going to move one more inch. But they did and I kept going. At 13 miles Bill met up with me and knew I wasn't doing good. He started walking with me, he really was trying to keep me in pace. Having trained the last 5 months to run, my body wasn't to happy with me. I was using muscles I haven't abused. By 14 the Team in Training coaches started to appear checking up on me. By 17 we had a coach with us. Bill wanted to know if I wanted to stop. Of course I wanted to stop, but my body kept moving. The bus came up at 18 and said get on you're done. I was done too, but I just kept walking. Then there were 2 coaches walking with us. I was in it and at that point there was no turning back the fastest way out was to keep going or take a short cut. One point I asked for friends to come pick me up, but I kept walking. By mile 23 there were 3 coaches with us. And I kept walking. The spectators had gone home, the course was broke down, the fluid stations were gone, but I kept walking. By mile 25 there were 8 coaches walking with us. I was the last one, the very last one. By the time I crossed the finish line, well where the finish line was anyway I had 11 coaches and an unofficial time of 6:50. Twenty minutes to late, but I finished. I don't really know what it was that kept me walking but I couldn't stop no matter how bad I want too. I didn't run, I didn't finish with an official time but I'm still very proud of myself. Bill for not training, he walked 13.1 miles today with me and I couldn't have finished without him. This has been my journey, I've found a power within me I hoped was there and now I know is. I finished my journey not the race but my journey. All in all we, my group of friends, raised over $10,000 for Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. We've done an amazing thing today and I've extremely proud of everyone of them for finishing their own race!

3 more days. 3 more days till the BIG DAY! If you've read my blog you know I've been freaking out about this since the very beginning. It's become a stressful event. (Who wouldn't it's 26.2 miles?!!) Stress that was only created by me. Well I'm here to say, "No more!" What's done is done. I've ran, I've stretched, I've been to therapy, I've missed big runs especially lately and I've hobbled alot. But from here on out it is what it is. I'm going to go out and have some fun. I'm going to go out and enjoy the people, the environment, the event...All the while I'm hobbling 26.2 miles. I like to think that I'm going to finish in the time frame, I'm praying I finish in the time frame. As for my postings it's been a roller coaster first I'm in then I'm out, I'm positive then I'm throwing in the towel. I've gotten some great support from family and friends. I'm glad I decided to write this blog and log the good, the bad and the ugly with a little chuckle thrown in. I've gotta laugh it helps with the pain. Since I've taken so much time off, I actually am starting to feel normal. I can walk up and down the stairs, I can bend my knees without winching, and I can roll out of bed without wondering if my ankles will support me. And here's a big one I haven't lost or gained one pound, but my clothes are starting to fit. I believe I truly believe my body has been swollen from all this abuse. I'm sure that will all change Sunday. And I'm looking forward to it. I hear you can track runners throughout the course online at the marathon website http://www.detroitfreepressmarathon.com/ . For all you California people the race starts at 4:15 am your time, that's 7:15 Michigan time. Wish me a fun journey!

What am I not saying?

Well I can tell you that I haven't ran since my long run! Yep 2 weeks since I laced up the shoes and walked out the door. I felt pretty good the following day and the next day was killer. My therapist took my inserts way. The company had to make stronger, higher ones because I crushed the old ones. Since I've gotten those back I worn my shoes around town only to find out they don't fit in my shoes without crushing my toes. I've since placed them in my blue shoes which my therapist doesn't like but they have room for my toes. Did try to dress and run then Bill announced he had the stomach flu and that workout was cancelled.
I feel bad many times because I just try not to talk about this whole thing I sound so negative. And let me say it again I apologize but it's become one thing after another. I was talking to a friend in the store the other day and I walked away so sad that I hadn't put a positive spin on this. She did help me to summarize this as a very stressful thing. Not only am I scared to go out and run again, what's going to hurt this time, but I'm stressing out. I would settle for a nice jog enjoying the scenery instead of always mapping out my run just to make the miles.
A few people I did talk to about this have said 1. You're in a tapper and not a stall. (o.k. agree I'm letting my body heal and I'm just going to go out there run and endure the pain the big day. Why continue to torture myself now?) 2. I said in my letter that I was going to do this flaking out thing and I'm still being held accountable. (The worst thing I expected to happen to my body was lose a toe nail! YUCK!! I had no idea my body really truly is not designed for running.)
So as the big day approaches I'm trying to rest and relax. I will be there unless it's really hot and humid, I will give it my best, I will run as much as I can, I will finish my race.
Because I've made a commitment to you and to myself. Next time I try to prove to myself I can do anything if I work hard enough and put my mind to it I think I'll try something non-physical.
Thanks for reading. I love hearing people tell me they actually read this!